397 How to Build Habits That Stick: Accountability, Self-Compassion & Starting Over with Melanie Killens
Stop Waiting to Feel Ready: The Micro Habit Method That Actually Changes Your Life
Episode 397: Rain or Shine Podcast
Guest: Melanie Killens, Personal Accountability Coach
How to Build Habits That Stick: Accountability, Self-Compassion & Starting Over with Melanie Killens
Episode: Rain or Shine Podcast
Guest: Melanie Killens, Personal Accountability Coach
Quick Summary
Habits and accountability coach Melanie Killens joins host Kelsey for an honest conversation about hitting rock bottom in 2019, making a $10,000 investment in herself when she had nothing, and how micro habits — not motivation — are the real secret to lasting change. This episode is a masterclass in self-compassion, consistency, and building a life and business on your own terms.
In This Episode
How Melanie unwinds after a busy week (The Young and the Restless + colouring — no shame)
The simple non-negotiable daily habit that keeps her grounded
Her rock-bottom moment in 2019: losing her job, her relationship, and her direction
Why she made a $10,000 coaching investment when everything was falling apart
How network marketing became her unexpected entry point into personal development
What habits coaching actually looks like (and why it's not about pushing harder)
The single biggest reason people can't stick to habits
How she balances a part-time teaching job with a growing coaching business
The morning routine she protects at all costs
What keeps her going on the stormy, rainy days
Key Takeaways
The pain of not doing a habit must outweigh the pain of doing it. Connect to how you'll feel on the other side — not in the moment.
Micro habits compound. Two workouts a week beats zero. Progress over perfection, always.
Accountability is not a weakness — it's the missing ingredient. If you could do it alone, you would have already.
Protecting your morning routine protects everything else. When one anchor habit slips, other areas follow.
Constraints drive creativity. Having a deadline or a fixed window of time makes you more focused and productive — not less.
Memorable Quotes
"There are habits you're never going to want to do. I do them anyway because I want that feeling in the morning." — Melanie Killens
"If you could do it alone, you would have done it already." — Melanie Killens
"It wasn't about fitness and nutrition. It was the mindset behind it." — Melanie Killens
Resources Mentioned
Melanie's Instagram: @MoveWellWithMelanie
Melanie's Website: melaniekillenscoaching.ca
Kelsey's Website: KelseyReidl.com
Kelsey's Instagram: @KelseyReidl
Tony Robbins coaching program (year-long accountability program)
The Young and the Restless — Melanie's go-to wind-down show
About the Guest
Melanie Killens is a habits and accountability coach who works primarily with women 45-plus who are ready to show up consistently for themselves — without shame or all-or-nothing thinking. After her own transformational journey through rock bottom, a $10K coaching investment, and years of personal development, Melanie now helps clients build small, sustainable habits that compound into real confidence and lasting change.
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Guest Introduction
Kelsey: Melanie, welcome to the Rain or Shine podcast. I know you mentioned feeling a little nervous, but I promise — it's just two people having a conversation on a morning leading up to Christmas. Let's keep it casual and fun. Let's start with some rapid-fire questions.
Rapid Fire: How Do You Wind Down?
Kelsey: You're busy — you have a part-time job, a coaching business, and a lot of personal hobbies you're committed to. What is your favourite way to wind down after a super busy week?
Melanie: This is going to sound super lame, but I actually watch The Young and the Restless. My mom loved that show growing up, so we watch it together. And then I usually do some colouring. I just bought myself a new colouring book and pencil crayons, and I colour while listening to a podcast or watching something on Netflix. That's how I wind down.
Kelsey: I couldn't relate more. My treat to myself is sitting down with a good show, maybe doing some colouring — just something to do with my hands. And isn't it funny how as we get older, the most nourishing things are the simple pleasures we don't have infinite time for? It feels like self-care.
Non-Negotiable Daily Habits
Kelsey: What's one thing you do every single day that's non-negotiable because it makes you the best version of yourself?
Melanie: I wash my face before bed. I talk about this all the time when it comes to building habits — because I actually dislike doing it. I get water all over the sink, all over my shirt. I'm not someone who can wash her face without making a mess. But every night I do it, and I remind myself that I can do hard things. It sounds simple, but these are the things that are simple, but not easy.
Kelsey: That is so relatable. We all have that one thing — brushing teeth, cleaning dishes, folding laundry — that's a daily annoyance but we feel better for doing it. So what's the mindset shift for someone who really doesn't want to do that habit in the moment?
Melanie: For me, it's the morning. I hate the feeling of waking up with mascara on my face. The pain of not doing it is worse than just going and doing it. And I wake up feeling refreshed — like it's a fresh new day and my face is clean. I never miss a night, and I never want to do it. These are habits you're never going to want to do, and you do them anyway because you want that feeling on the other side.
Kelsey: It applies to so many areas of life. I post a blog every week for my business. Do I always want to? No. But when I visualize how it all compounds into the business being better, it keeps me connected to the goal. We don't love doing certain habits, but we love being on the other side of them.
Melanie: Exactly — it's the future you. What will future me say about this?
Most Unusual Job
Kelsey: What's the most unexpected or unusual job you've ever worked?
Melanie: Two come to mind. One was working at the Legion for a 50-plus singles night — I did the front door while in college. But the coolest job I've ever had was at a heli-skiing lodge out west. I'd helicopter in for two weeks, then helicopter home for seven days off. And I got to ski with the guests — all I did was laundry, but I also ate and skied with them. It was really fun.
2019: When Everything Collapsed
Kelsey: Can you take us back to 2019? You describe it as a year when everything seemingly collapsed — and at some point in the depths of that, you made a massive $10,000 investment. What was going on?
Melanie: I had moved to a small Northern Ontario town after coming back from working overseas. I'd bought all my furniture, a washer and dryer — I was committed to this life. I was dating someone. And then I left my job I thought I'd stay at. And as my boyfriend at the time showed up at my house and loaded all my things into his truck, he told me he didn't want to date anymore. I was overweight. I was drinking too much. All these things I'd dreamed for myself were falling apart.
Melanie: I honestly was at a loss — I thought I had it figured out. But every time I've hit a low point, I've pivoted. This time was different. My anxiety — which I didn't even know I had at the time — was saying: this is all or nothing. You're going all in to change your life. So I invested $10,000 with a life coach, moved back in with my family, and took that opportunity to rebuild a life I was actually designing.
Kelsey: What encouraged you to make that leap? To say: I'm putting money on the line to change my life?
Melanie: There's a very specific visual. I was wrapped in a towel, crying on the side of my bed, hungover, thinking: this cannot be where I'm at in my life. I've traveled the world, I've done cool things, I'm good at what I do — how can I be sitting here in a puddle? I had been introduced to Tony Robbins, and part of his program was making three commitments. Mine were: break up with my boyfriend, move back in with my family, and invest in the coaching. From there, it was building momentum. One step at a time, one habit at a time.
Kelsey: I love the visual of a flywheel. You're at rock bottom, you take baby steps, and eventually the momentum starts building. You don't recognize the person you once were. That's exactly what habits are — they feel hard and sticky at the beginning, but those micro habits compound.
From Client to Coach: Launching Her Own Business
Kelsey: Somewhere along the last five years, you decided to launch your own business as a habits and accountability coach. What inspired that decision?
Melanie: It started with network marketing. I was with a very female-driven company with powerful leaders who taught us about mindset, energy, and how you show up. I was sitting in my parents' garage every day, doing courses, learning so much. And I thought, I want to share this — but I wanted the product to be me. I realized I wanted to work with people and help them build self-trust, confidence, and self-esteem. I started my coaching business during COVID, moving away from product selling to focus on the coaching I found so incredibly motivating.
What Is Habits Coaching?
Kelsey: From a practical standpoint — why do people hire you? What types of challenges are they coming to you with?
Melanie: Most people come to me struggling with fitness and nutrition. They believe they should just be able to work out and eat well on their own. But we've always had someone holding us accountable — a coach, a teacher, a parent, a mentor. Then we become adults and it's like: do it on your own. Through community and accountability, you can build small habits over time. If someone hasn't been working out at all, we'll start with two days a week for twenty minutes. What time of day works? What type of exercise? We ease in, instead of the all-or-nothing January 1st approach that lasts a month if you're lucky.
Melanie: And what was missing for me through my original coaching was the self-love, feminine side. Most of the women I work with are 45-plus. Instead of getting angry at yourself for not doing it — we understand why. You've been through a lot. Change is hard. Self-love doesn't always mean pushing harder. It might mean going for a walk, or writing an apology letter. Over time, clients reduce a pant size, gain confidence, and realize: it was never just about fitness and nutrition. It was the mindset behind it. When we break a promise to ourselves, it hurts and hits our self-confidence — just like when a friend breaks a promise to you.
The Biggest Habit Mistake
Kelsey: What's the one mistake you see people make that stops them from sticking with their habits?
Melanie: An accountability partner. If you could do it alone, you would have done it already. I had a full year of someone holding me accountable — not one week, not one month, but twelve months. That's why I am where I am today. And what I love about my coaching is seeing clients at month three, where we're really starting to see the difference. They start to say: I didn't work out this week, but I did get out for a walk and spent time in nature. Acknowledging the good things instead of beating yourself up. That piece — having someone in your corner who isn't your bestie — is what's missing for most people.
Balancing a Part-Time Job and a Business
Kelsey: How do you structure your weeks right now? You're up early, recording stories, building the business, then going to your teaching job, then serving clients. How do you balance it all?
Melanie: What's really cool about part-time teaching is that it holds me accountable to the business. When we have all day to do something, we take all day to do it. Having to be at work by 11 means I have to get everything done in the morning. I also had to protect my morning routine. I've had the same routine for almost eight years — up at four, journal, coffee, workout, then on with my day. When I was teaching early-morning fitness classes, that routine slipped — and I noticed other areas of my life starting to change too. I had to let go of the early teaching job to protect that morning energy. Because ultimately, I want the coaching business to succeed and be my main source of income.
Kelsey: There's a common mentality that when you start a business, you should just leap and the net will appear. But for a lot of people, that's not the right structure in the early years. What you're doing — mitigating risk by holding onto that part-time job — is exactly how I started too. And having that constraint, like 'I can only work on the coaching business until 11 AM,' actually gives you more structure and creativity within that window.
The Hardest Part of Balancing It All
Kelsey: What's the hardest part of balancing a part-time job, a coaching business, and taking care of yourself?
Melanie: Maintaining my healthy habits. Exercise is always the first thing to go — and it's the thing I need most. I make sure I went for a run before recording this, because that runner's high is what makes me feel freshest and most ready. The other hard part is taking time for yourself. There's never an end to the to-do list, and learning — with anxiety — how to put it away half done has been really interesting.
Rain or Shine: What Keeps You Going?
Kelsey: The name of this podcast is Rain or Shine. How do you keep going on rainy days — when you don't want to work out, when business feels hard?
Melanie: It's all the mindset work I've done behind the scenes. It takes practice — it's not perfection, it's practice. I acknowledge the part of me that doesn't want to do something, and I do it anyway. And then I come back to my why: building a community, getting out of traditional teaching, taking my nieces on a trip to Paris one day, investing in their college fund, taking a family trip. Those are the things I think about when I need to write the Instagram post I don't want to write.
Melanie: And I've seen it in all my clients — as they maintain these habits over time, they start to become so confident in who they are. Clients who came to me for fitness and nutrition realized it actually wasn't about that. It was the mindset behind it. The rainy days are about coming back to your why and acknowledging that you don't want to do it — because we ignore that so often. It's okay to not want to do it. And then you do it anyway.
Where to Find Melanie
Kelsey: For anyone who's interested in finding out more about your work — where should they connect with you?
Melanie: You can find me on Instagram at Move Well with Melanie, on Facebook at Melanie Killins, and on my website at melaniekillinscoaching.ca. I love hearing stories and meeting people — community is where I thrive.
Kelsey: I'll say it: your Instagram Story series is something I look forward to every day. You share everything from such a genuine, relatable perspective. It's not preachy — it's real. Go follow her. Thank you so much for being here, Melanie.
Melanie: Thank you so much, Kelsey.
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